Mindblown: a blog about philosophy.

…and the dreams that you dare to dream, maybe do come true. Over the Rainbow. It’s a favorite song of mine and my daughter. So much so that at her wedding last month my father played it on the piano as she walked down the aisle. There wasn’t a dry eye in the room. The…

Today, I attended an industry holiday event. I have been looking forward to it and dreading it all at the same time. I must have tried and retried a dozen outfits not knowing what looked good on me. Does anything look good anymore? My sense of self has disappeared. I don’t recognize my body anymore…

That’s a quote from Mr. Roger’s. You know, the slow speaking, calm, quiet, cardigan wearing man that had the TV show Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood. I saw the movie today It’s a wonderful day in the neighborhood. It is a movie based on an article written about Mr. Roger’s in Esquire Magazine. The author, who was…

Remember when you were a kid and you’d travel somewhere…and the trip seemed to take FOREVER? It may have only been a short car ride but it always seemed to take so much longer because all you wanted was for the car ride to end and the adventure/vacation/visit to begin. In my case, this “ride”…

Last Saturday, my beautiful daughter got married. Despite the teaming rain, it was the most spectacular day I can remember. She was so happy and I couldn’t have asked for anything more. The wedding has been my focus for over a year. It has given me something positive to look forward to and to work…

Today I am in Ottawa getting ready for my daughter’s wedding rehearsal. It is a very exciting time albeit a little stressful. I have shared my anxiety with you about whether I would be healthy enough for this momentous event and almost as important…whether I could find a dress to wear! As “Mother of the…

It was finally time for me to buy a bra…or two. Since having my mastectomy I have only been able to wear light, cotton sports bras, that offer support without pressing on my incisions. They are “practical” .  They’re fine but I want more. I want to look and feel like a woman rather than…

There are things we go through in life that leave scars. Some are physical, some emotional and some are both. The scars that cancer has left me with will never heal. They may fade, but they will never be gone for good. Cancer has left an indelible mark upon my body and my psyche. The…

Today is Thanksgiving. I love this time of year; the colours of the leaves, the warm days and the cool nights…sweater weather, cozy blankets, homemade soup, comfort food…the change from summer to autumn. With every season, every month, every day I give thanks. When you are diagnosed with cancer, no matter what the “odds are”,…

…but I was wide awake. On Wednesday I had surgery #4. A surgery I have been waiting for for over a year. This surgery was to remove the hematoma and bulging pocket of skin left over from my mastectomy. I have been in constant pain as the area I needed removed was under my left…

For me, every month, week, day and hour I think about breast cancer. I am more than “aware” of what this horrific disease can do to someone. I was diagnosed with breast cancer April 30, 2018. I underwent a double mastectomy June 13th, 2018; dealt with tissue expanders for eight months; had silicone implants put…

Today I had epidural steroid injections in my back. I have them every three months to manage the pain from two herniated disks, arthritis and some nerve damage brought on by my other operations. At the pain clinic, you need to arrive an hour before your procedure. You register and then fill out a form…

October 2nd….nine more days until ( and let’s hope ) my fourth surgery will take place. I have been waiting for 15 months to have the hematoma, caused by my mastectomy, to be removed. This has been quite the journey; filled with many ups and downs. It has tested my patience, my resolve, my inner…

Cancelled. That was the message I received. My loooooong awaited surgery to remove the hematoma left from my mastectomy and the unsightly bulge of skin under my arm. My surgery was scheduled for this Wednesday but now I have no idea when it will be. When I listened to the message from my surgeon’s office…

  Yesterday I saw my family doctor. It’s been awhile. I know she has received every report, result and comment from the myriad of other doctor’s that I have been occupied with. I made an appointment with her to see if she can help me with the “presumed” ulcer I have developed from all the…

Labour day has come and gone. Summer feels like it is over. The nights are cooler, the days are shorter and my wait continues. I have had no word regarding my next two surgeries. I have called, asked, pestered and begged to no avail. You can’t blame me for being anxious and a bit impatient.…

Smile though your heart is aching Smile even though its breaking When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by If you smile through your fear and sorrow Smile and maybe tomorrow You’ll see the sun come shining through for you Light up your face with gladness Hide every trace of sadness Although a…

I am still trying to adjust to my “new” but certainly not “improved” body. It is a very bizarre feeling having foreign objects inside your body. I am always aware that “they” are there. Not just because they are still very painful, but because they don’t feel like part of me. They don’t move…literally. Now…

I’m a pretty positive person. I try to find the humour in every situation and I think I have an inner resilience that has served me well. Even when I was a little girl, I was always smiling and happy ( as you can see from the above photo) even though I was not the…

If you google breast reconstruction, you will see photos of very symmetrical, round, shapely “foobs”. Most photos show women with nipples still in tact and scars that are barely visible. That is not my reality, nor will it ever be I’m afraid. Tuesday, I saw my surgeon for my post-op examination and to have my…

Originally posted on Sorry, I Don't Have Time For Cancer: I had to get away. I had to get away from cancer. I know that sounds weird. How do you get away from a disease that has consumed every waking minute of your life for over a year. But I did. I went off…

I had to get away. I had to get away from cancer. I know that sounds weird. How do you get away from a disease that has consumed every waking minute of your life for over a year. But I did. I went off grid. Literally. I went to spend a week on a lake…

I am one week post-op. I am still struggling with pain and fatigue. It’s crazy how much these surgeries have zapped my energy. I have been making an effort the last few days to get out of my pj’s and get dressed. Not that anyone is going to see me, but it just makes me…

I’m five days post-op and I’m not doing well. My whole body feels like its been encased in cement. Every step is an effort. Every movement exhausts me. It’s a challenge even opening my pill bottles as I lack the strength to push down on cap to release it. I tried to make coffee this…

Well I made it. Another surgery under my belt. This surgery business is becoming second nature to me. I know how to prep for it without taking a single note. I know what clothes to have ready that I can easily get in and out of without lifting my arms. I know what food to…