Mindblown: a blog about philosophy.

Been feeling pretty good. Been feeling stronger. Been feeling like the worst is over…until last night! I have been pushing myself the last few days, in an attempt to feel or at least “appear” normal. I like to be busy. I like to accomplish things. I like to be on the go. Of course I…

Ok ladies, think about the worst underwire bra experience you’ve ever had. You know the time that you wore a bra that was actually too small and that underwire dug into you for eight hours or the time the wire actually popped through the fabric and pushed into your breast like a fire poker. Now…

Yesterday I drove for the first time. I only drove about seven or eight blocks to get to my lymphatic massage appointment. I was nervous but looking forward to gaining back my freedom. Unfortunately, I’m afraid my freedom is going to have to wait a bit longer. As I hadn’t driven since just before my…

Tomorrow I try to drive. It will be the first time I have sat in my car since before my surgery. As I am no longer taking any narcotics…relax, I just mean pain medication and my arm is moving pretty well, I am venturing back out onto the roads. Until now I have had to…

I’m at my parents place for the weekend. It’s a long drive, even as a passenger. I held my big travel pillow tight to my chest the whole way and even with that everything is aching. My parents have a beautiful place on the lake and I am so excited about going swimming. As a…

I have been waiting for my follow up lymphatic massage for two weeks as the therapist had gone on holiday. Imagine…going on holiday in the summer? What’s up with that?! The goal of the massage is too try to break up the hematoma that remains large and very hard under my arm and to reduce…

Yesterday was a beautiful sunny day. It was warm but not too humid so I thought “today is the day to venture out”. There is a beautiful Bay front close to where I live with miles and miles of paths for walking, biking and rollerblading. I forgot that it was the weekend, as everyday is…

One foot in front of the other. Keep looking forward, don’t look down. Each day of this journey has tested my resolve. From the physical challenges to the emotional and psychological hurdles, every day presents something new to deal with. Funny enough, now that I am feeling a bit stronger, there are more challenges that…

Today I went to see the reconstructive surgeon. I’ve been going once a week as my swelling and hematoma have not improved. I thought today would be like the last few appointments where he checked me over and sent me on my way with the encouraging words ” This will take time. Try to be…

Just returned from the Juravinski Cancer Centre for a consultation with another oncologist. My surgeon had set up this referral to discuss whether I need further treatment for my breast cancer. I had been told that if I was in the U.S. I would be prescribed an oral medication to increase my odds of keeping…

Other than my trips to see doctors, surgeons and therapists, I have not left my house in 5 weeks. That’s a long time to be “out of touch” with the real world. Today I made an appointment to get my hair cut. I was driven to my hairdresser, as I still can’t drive. The trip…

The swelling under my left arm and chest area has been causing me a lot of discomfort. I have seen my reconstructive surgeon three weeks in a row and as the swelling is still so severe, he has not been able to add any saline into my tissue expanders. “I don’t want to add anything…

This week I have really noticed a big improvement in how I feel. I have more energy (in fact I’ve gone two days without an afternoon nap) and my appetite is returning. I even had my first “craving” for a toasted bacon, lettuce tomato and avocado sandwich…and it was good! The days seem to go…

Yeah…it’s Friday! Actually it could be Tuesday…everyday is the same for me. HOWEVER, today I thought I would try my best to fix myself up. Everyone feels better when they look good. Now for someone who has a hard time lifting their arms up, washing, blowdrying and styling your hair is a major undertaking. But…

The severe swelling I have is not getting any better. I don’t see my surgeon until next Tuesday so I need to do something in the meantime to move things along. I spent hours yesterday searching out physiotherapists who are trained and certified in lymphatic massage. I found some and immediately sent messages to them…

Just got back from seeing my surgeon again at the Juravinski Cancer Centre. I had seen him last Wednesday when he tried to drain a large hematoma that has formed on my left side. Today I went back and was examined by two Residents and the surgeon. The hematoma which is the size of a…

One of the biggest aids in my recovery has been my menagerie of pillows. I have my “chest” pillow, as seen here, that travels everywhere with me. It acts as a chest protector, arm elevator and all round comfort pillow for me. I have two small heart shaped pillows that I put under my arms…

Ahhh, Friday. Ahhh, any day. Since I’ve been home recuperating everyday seems to blend into the next day. Friday is the same as a Tuesday and Saturday could be a Wednesday, they’re all the same. Friday evenings were always a night to relax and unwind. And usually would start with a very dry vodka martini…

I didn’t sleep a wink last night anticipating my appointment today with the surgical oncologist. At 2:30pm I received the news that the pathology report shows that all cancer was removed with the mastectomy and there were no signs of cancer in my lymph nodes! I couldn’t have asked for better news. I am elated.…

I am almost three weeks post op. Some days it feels like three years. I have to admit that the last few days have been really rough not just physically but more so emotionally. I am sick and tired of feeling sick and tired!  The lymphedema that has sprung up on my left side is…

As part of my mastectomy surgery I had sentinel lymph nodes removed. If cancer has spread, it has most likely moved into the underarm lymph nodes first. Lymph is a thin, clear fluid that circulates throughout the body to remove wastes, bacteria and other substances from tissues. Lymphedema is the build up of fluids in…

Today I finally got the all clear to have a shower. What a great feeling to be able to wash away any remnants of my stay in the hospital. Showering today was more than just being able to wash my own hair, showering meant that I was finally able to do something on my own.…

My beautiful daughter has come for the long weekend for a visit. We haven’t seen each other since mid April, right after my biopsy but before my diagnosis. I know that it has been hard for her living 5 hours away. She has been worried about me and of course I have worried about her…

Two weeks ago today I had my double mastectomy surgery. On one hand it feels like only yesterday but on the other it feels like a lifetime ago. It has been a rough two weeks but each day I am a little stronger and a little more mobile. I can now brush my teeth, lift…

Oh what a feeling. My last tube was removed today and I am elated!!!! I had my first followup appointment with the Reconstructive Surgeon today at the Juravinski Cancer Centre. It was a quick appointment. I didn’t actually see my surgeon, but his intern instead. I had met her in hospital so I knew she…