Yeah…it’s Friday! Actually it could be Tuesday…everyday is the same for me. HOWEVER, today I thought I would try my best to fix myself up. Everyone feels better when they look good. Now for someone who has a hard time lifting their arms up, washing, blowdrying and styling your hair is a major undertaking. But I did it. I even put on some mascara and earrings. I pulled a long sundress out of my closet and put that on. It definitely fits differently as I have nothing to fill out the top. But you know what….fu#k it. I am not going to worry about that right now. I am making an effort to look and feel the best I can. I refuse to try to hide myself. It is what it is.

There are lots of women who don’t have breasts anymore due to cancer or have very small breasts naturally and they go about their lives just fine. Do breasts make a woman? Do you have to have breasts to be attractive? Without breasts, is a woman any less a woman?

I have been struggling with the adjustment. It’s a big change physically and psychologically. First dealing with the look of the incisions then the look of my chest with no breasts. I have chosen to have reconstruction. A lot of cancer patients do not. It’s a personal decision and I understand why someone would not want to go through it. The process will take almost a year before its over. In the meantime there are many options for prosthetics that I can use if I want to have the “look” of breasts when dressed, but I don’t think I want to go that route. I think I would like to just accept the process and not hide the transformation. I will be getting injections into the tissue expanders every few weeks and then eventually will have another surgery to remove the expanders and have implants put in.

I may change my mind about the prosthetics as I go through the journey but that’s my prerogative. Cancer has forced me to take a long hard look at myself. As Shakespeare said ” a rose by any other name would smell as sweet”. I choose to believe that! With or without breasts I am still Patti. Breasts don’t define the woman I am… I DO!

And for me, that’s all that matters.

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