I’m at my parents place for the weekend. It’s a long drive, even as a passenger. I held my big travel pillow tight to my chest the whole way and even with that everything is aching. My parents have a beautiful place on the lake and I am so excited about going swimming. As a kid I spent the better part of everyday in the water. We always had a pool and I was a serious competitive swimmer for many years. I love the water, it relaxes me, it calms me and I feel very much at ease. I am much more comfortable in the water than on land. I am very accident prone, especially when I was younger. So much so that my grandmother told my mom not to get too attached to me because I probably wouldn’t live to see my third birthday! Yep…I was THAT kid. Fortunately I’ve grown out of it a bit… I’ve certainly made it way past my third bday!

The lake at my parents place is like glass today. There’s not a ripple in the water as the air is extremely hot and very still. It’s very private here too as this is my first foray wearing a bathing suit after my surgery. I am very self conscious. Everyone keeps saying “that’s ridiculous, you look fine.” Well, that may be so…or at least to them, but I can’t help the way I feel. I am dealing with a completely different looking body. I am dealing with swelling under my arms, my sense of balance is off and I am dealing with pain. So if I feel shy about how I look, well, sorry but I’m doing the best I can.

Now, you see, in the water, I don’t feel self conscious at all. Even with the limited use of my left arm I can move gracefully through the water. It feels so incredibly good. The coolness on my skin, the ease in which I can move, the freedom I feel is wonderful. This is great therapy for my arm…it’s great therapy for my body….hell it’s great therapy for my entire being!!! I swam for as long as I could, slowly but successfully. When I tired I just rolled onto my back and floated. Even without boobs I’m buoyant. Hmmm, I wonder what it will be like when I have the implants put in. Will I be able to swim underwater or will I just pop up to the surface like beach ball?! Going to have to do some research on that one.

I will have three days to enjoy the water and my family, both of which are what I need to heal. The more I swim, the better I feel. If I could only feel that confidence and “ease of being” on land. It will come with time. Each day is better. Most days l still feel like a fish out of water but for this weekend I’m playing mermaid.

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