I’m at my parents place for the weekend. It’s a long drive, even as a passenger. I held my big travel pillow tight to my chest the whole way and even with that everything is aching. My parents have a beautiful place on the lake and I am so excited about going swimming. As a kid I spent the better part of everyday in the water. We always had a pool and I was a serious competitive swimmer for many years. I love the water, it relaxes me, it calms me and I feel very much at ease. I am much more comfortable in the water than on land. I am very accident prone, especially when I was younger. So much so that my grandmother told my mom not to get too attached to me because I probably wouldn’t live to see my third birthday! Yep…I was THAT kid. Fortunately I’ve grown out of it a bit… I’ve certainly made it way past my third bday!
The lake at my parents place is like glass today. There’s not a ripple in the water as the air is extremely hot and very still. It’s very private here too as this is my first foray wearing a bathing suit after my surgery. I am very self conscious. Everyone keeps saying “that’s ridiculous, you look fine.” Well, that may be so…or at least to them, but I can’t help the way I feel. I am dealing with a completely different looking body. I am dealing with swelling under my arms, my sense of balance is off and I am dealing with pain. So if I feel shy about how I look, well, sorry but I’m doing the best I can.
Now, you see, in the water, I don’t feel self conscious at all. Even with the limited use of my left arm I can move gracefully through the water. It feels so incredibly good. The coolness on my skin, the ease in which I can move, the freedom I feel is wonderful. This is great therapy for my arm…it’s great therapy for my body….hell it’s great therapy for my entire being!!! I swam for as long as I could, slowly but successfully. When I tired I just rolled onto my back and floated. Even without boobs I’m buoyant. Hmmm, I wonder what it will be like when I have the implants put in. Will I be able to swim underwater or will I just pop up to the surface like beach ball?! Going to have to do some research on that one.
I will have three days to enjoy the water and my family, both of which are what I need to heal. The more I swim, the better I feel. If I could only feel that confidence and “ease of being” on land. It will come with time. Each day is better. Most days l still feel like a fish out of water but for this weekend I’m playing mermaid.
President of As You Like It Marketing & Communications Inc. Award winning speaker and author. Breast cancer fighter and blogger. I’m sharing my journey…the good, the bad and the ugly. Hoping to help anyone else that has been touched by breast cancer be it you or someone you know or love.