Tomorrow I try to drive. It will be the first time I have sat in my car since before my surgery. As I am no longer taking any narcotics…relax, I just mean pain medication and my arm is moving pretty well, I am venturing back out onto the roads. Until now I have had to rely on friends and family to chauffeur me everywhere, but tomorrow I am going to head out on my own. It will only be a short drive but it will be an adventure. I’m sure I will be quite the spectacle. I already drive a Mini which kinda looks like a clown car and I will still be sporting my giant chest pillow strapped to me to keep the seat belt from pressing tight against me. That is the point of a seat belt though is it not? Crap, I’m already getting anxious. No worries. I am a very good driver. Not a great passenger however. Just ask anyone who I’ve ridden with. I tend to point out what I think are potential hazards, comment on their speed be it too slow or too fast and I always apply my imaginary brake way before they do! Tomorrow I will only have myself to worry about so no one else has to suffer.

Being able to drive again is a huge step. It means freedom, independence and proof that I’m getting back to normal. Actually, things may never go back to normal. At least not how I used to perceive normal. But that’s ok, because I am creating my own “new” normal. It will be different to what was…but it will be mine and I will own it.

Owning it is a hard thing to do. There are few words scarier to hear than “you have cancer”. Everyday since then, those simple words have played in my head. It doesn’t go away…and it probably never will. But I’m proud to say that I had cancer, but cancer never had “me”. Yes, it took a big part of me physically and an equally large part emotionally but it didn’t take away “me”. I still have everything that makes me the person I am. Inside I am the same. Outside, not so much, but even that will all change again as I heal and transform with the expanders and eventually my implants. Or as I like to call them, my FOOBS , fake boobs.

Little by little, day by day my new normal gets easier. My journey keeps me moving forward. Driving for the first time tomorrow is accelerating me even further down the road to recovery. There will still be some bends in the road but that’s ok as long as I don’t fail to make the turn!

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