My beautiful daughter has come for the long weekend for a visit. We haven’t seen each other since mid April, right after my biopsy but before my diagnosis. I know that it has been hard for her living 5 hours away. She has been worried about me and of course I have worried about her being worried!  As a mother, I’ve wanted to protect her from as much pain and anxiety as possible so even though I would have loved to have had her here for a hug and kiss before my surgery, I am happy that she didn’t have to see my at my worst.

I’ve been looking forward to her visit for weeks and I want so very much to be able to spend every waking minute with her….but my body has very different plans. This morning I made my way downstairs to visit and talk and plan our day. I only lasted an hour until the pain, tightness and fatigue took over. An hour…that’s it. All I did was sit on the couch, sip coffee and engage in a normal conversation. Unfortunately, there is nothing “normal” about recovery. For my one hour of socializing I needed a three hour nap to recover. Fortunately it was a beautiful day today so everyone entertained themselves enjoying the back yard and walking the dog.

My backyard is a lovely oasis of flowers and water features and the perfect place to relax. This afternoon I joined everyone outside to enjoy the warm weather, sunshine and the soothing sound of water. It was so nice to be outside enjoying each others company. But once again, I lasted roughly an hour before I was overcome by a heavy blanket of fatigue. I had to take some pain meds and go lie down. I slept through the afternoon and through dinner!

I pride myself on being a good hostess. I love to entertain, and socialize. I love to cook and plan events and especially love being surrounded by friends and family. Since my surgery I haven’t had a lot of visitors, I haven’t cooked a meal or left the house other than for doctor’s appointments. I simply have not had the strength.

I feel badly that I am not going to be able to join everyone when they head down to Bayfront Park this weekend to enjoy some live music, food trucks and Canada Day fireworks. I won’t be able to join them if they go to the Toronto Zoo or even for a walk downtown. I am however enjoying every waking minute of my time with my daughter and her boyfriend. They are fussing over me making nutritious smoothies to drink and hanging out on my bed watching British television shows and laughing. This weekend may not be the long weekend that I had envisioned but it is certainly the weekend I needed. Having my family with me, spending time together, laughing, sharing and caring is better than anything I could have “planned” even if I can only handle one hour at a time.

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