The quieter you become, the more you hear

It’s December 31st, the end of another year; a time to think, reflect and process.

For me, 2022 was another year spent on a journey to better health. It was a tough Fall. I contracted a bad bout of Covid in September. On October 6th I underwent my 8th surgery to release scar tissue that had formed in my chest and was causing pain and mobility issues. Two of my incisions became infected and took a long time to heal. And just to put the cherry on the cake, I caught the respiratory illness that seemed to be everywhere. It knocked me on my ass. I had no energy and a relentless cough that lasted more than 6 weeks. It was a challenging few months but I got through it, although somewhat scathed.

A few weeks ago, I had an appointment with a Pain Specialist. I have waited over 3 years for this appointment and was elated when I got the call. For 90 minutes I was examined, questioned and reviewed. My “file” is as thick as a copy of “War and Peace” and probably reads like an epic war of Me versus my Body. Definitely not recommended bedtime reading! As my nerve pain has not subsided even with the copious number of medications I take ( 11 pills daily) the specialist wants to increase some of my meds and start injecting different parts of my body with a freezing agent to see if that will allow certain areas to relax and hopefully decrease the nerve pain. The thought of more needles doesn’t thrill me, but the hopes that it will alleviate at least some of my pain makes it more palatable. The doctor has suggested injecting my shoulders, underarms, thighs, lower back and areas of my neck. The hope too is that these injections will allow the epidural steroid injections I get every three months to last longer…which is an added bonus. I left the appointment feeling very positive. I now have hope that this new treatment will provide me with some relief both physically and emotionally. Chronic pain affects not only the body, but the mind. It can invade your thoughts and cause anxiety, depression and even anger. Solitude and peace is robbed from you and your mind fills with dark and overwhelming thoughts as you try to push the pain out to let in the light. Unfortunately the darkness wins more times than not. It is a “state” I’ve had to battle now for more than 4 years and it’s exhausting.

As I start 2023 in a few hours, I am trying to quiet my mind of the turbulence caused by pain, fear and anxiety. I strive for honest reflection, opening my mind to reprogramming, change, success and freedom. The purpose of my journey is to replace the darkness with light and to recognize the parts of myself that are strong enough to silence the bad and celebrate the positive and good. Looking at oneself; seeing your reflection and facing reality is not easy. We all face ups and downs; successes and failures; pain and elation. Life is not a road without its bumps, twists and turns…but its worth the journey. I celebrate and rejoice in the fact that I have been given this life. I may be battered, bruised and scarred…but with each year I grow and learn and evolve. I remind myself that you cannot fail at being yourself. As my favorite author, William Shakespeare wrote, “This above all; to thine own self be true.”

Happy New Year everyone. Here’s hoping that 2023 is the best year ever.


tatacancer View All →

President of As You Like It Marketing & Communications Inc. Award winning speaker and author. Breast cancer fighter and blogger. I’m sharing my journey…the good, the bad and the ugly. Hoping to help anyone else that has been touched by breast cancer be it you or someone you know or love.

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