…Been there; done that; bought the t-shirt!

Yes, its October…and its Breast Cancer Awareness Month…and I am truly thankful for all the posts and articles and fundraisers that are taking place. It’s wonderful and we all need to learn more, do more, give more and share more about this heinous disease. But October is not the only month that we need to be aware. Cancer affects us every month, every day and every waking minute. It doesn’t rest, or take a break, or cut us some slack. Cancer just wants to ruin your life…and if it had its way, it wants to take your life. I REFUSE TO LET THAT HAPPEN.

Tomorrow, I am facing my 8th surgery since being diagnosed with breast cancer and undergoing a bilateral mastectomy. For four years I’ve been dealing with pain, anxiety, fear and complete and utter exhaustion. Four long years…enough already!!!!

Tomorrow at 6am I will arrive at the Juravinski Cancer Centre for my surgery. My foobs will be sliced open in order to remove scar tissue and adhesions that have formed around the implants causing pain and mobility issues. If the surgery goes as planned, I will be home tomorrow night. The issue with this surgery is that there is a high probability of infection and if that happens then the implants will have to be removed and I will be back to square one. I have had to weigh the pros and cons of having this surgery as it is risky, but I can’t fathom living with the pain that the adhesions are causing me. I mean, I already deal with anxiety and chronic nerve pain brought on by all these procedures.

Thanks to cancer, I don’t recognize the person I’ve become. What I see in the mirror is a woman who has been sliced and diced and scarred for life. I see a woman who hasn’t had a good night’s sleep in four years and has the dark circles under her eyes to prove it. I see a woman who now takes so many medications that she has her pharmacist on speed dial. I see a woman who suffers from anxiety, self-doubt and fear that she’ll be told her cancer has returned. I see someone who is labeled and judged as the “woman with breast cancer”. Cancer is something that yes, I identify with, but it is not my “identity” it is not who I am or want to be. Cancer is but a chapter in my life…a long chapter; but it’s not my whole story…nor will it be what defines me or my life.

Tomorrow my journey continues with surgery #8 and with any luck it will be my last. But my journey is only one of millions that cancer has touched. So even though I don’t need a reminder that October is Breast Cancer Awareness month, I implore everyone else to give, support, share and care about all the people that had/have or will have cancer in their lifetime. Right now, 1 in 7 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer. That’s a number that should not be so high. Let’s all do our part to end CANCER…all types…for all people…everywhere.

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