It was three years today that I underwent my bilateral mastectomy. Three years now served of my life sentence with cancer.

Since beginning this journey, I have tried to maintain a positive attitude, always trying to remain hopeful and happy that I am “cancer free”. This however could change. I have met and know of so many people that have had cancer..beat it and then have had it return. Some have fought against it again and won; others have lost. The thought that my cancer may return is a reality. It’s not something that I dwell on but it is always there…hidden in the back of mind waiting to surface in one of my weaker moments.

And weak is how I often see myself now. Riddled with chronic nerve pain, my days are spent pushing through that wall only to be awake most nights too tired to fight the pain but not able to sleep because of it. I am still waiting for my spot for the experimental IV treatments but am number 10 on the list. In one way it’s comforting to know that there are other people who are experiencing the same issues as me. When you’ve seen several doctors, tried countless types of medications and had little to no relief, you start to doubt that anyone or anything can help. I don’t want to take “pain killers” which are opioid based, as that could lead to other issues, mainly addiction…and I definitely DON’T want that. So I do what I can to busy my mind in order to keep the pain at bay and do what I can physically…which is limited.

Today, June 13, 2021 is a beautiful sunny day. There is a cool breeze and no humidity. It’s a perfect day; one to be celebrated and enjoyed. I celebrate today not to dwell on the pain brought on by my mastectomy and subsequent surgeries, but to celebrate the joy I feel that so far, I am one of the lucky ones. I am still cancer free. I am still able to enjoy a beautiful sunny day and all that life has to offer. Today my incanceration with pain will not rule my world. Today I will breathe in the fresh air, enjoy the sunshine and appreciate all that I have. I am blessed. I am a fighter. I am a survivor.

Uncategorized anxiety breast cancer pain management