Last week I was sitting around a campfire with my daughter and others. It was a beautiful starry night and all felt good in the world. I don’t get that feeling much anymore with everything that is going on in the world, but that I night as I looked up at the Milky Way and the majesty of the night sky I felt at peace.

“There’s something I’d like to do”, my daughter said. “I want each of us to take turns throwing something into the fire and shouting out loud something that we would like to unburden ourselves of or something that angers us!”

Huh? I was chilling out, relaxing. What was I going to say?

Everyone else sat quietly, looking at the fire, not wanting to go first.

“FU#K CANCER!”, my daughter shouted and threw some crumpled paper in the fire. Wow, I didn’t expect her to shout that. Cancer was “my thing”…wasn’t it? Cancer sucks. It sucks for the person who’s fighting it but it also sucks for the people who love them. It’s scary. It’s mean. It’s painful physically and emotionally and it takes so much from our lives. For everyone who has been touched by the disease in any way, it sucks.

Today I found out that my dear friend’s father is ill with cancer. It is aggressive and has spread to many of his organs. As soon as I heard, I started to cry. The thought that my friend is having to deal with this breaks my heart. She is one of the strongest, kindest, loving and accomplished people I know. She has always been an inspiration and I love her dearly. I hate the thought that her Dad is ill. I hate the thought that she and her family are having to deal with this. I know only too well the toll cancer takes on people. Not just those battling the disease but those who are fighting for you on the sidelines. I know the toll it took on my daughter and the scars it left on her. If I could have spared her from the fear and anguish that my cancer battle left on her I would have endured anything.

To my dear friend W, please know that I am here for you as you have always been there for me. I really DO know what you are going through so please lean on me, vent to me and let me absorb some of your pain.

To my family, I know how hard and how long this journey has been and I’m sorry for what I’ve put you through.

And to my daughter, you are my light. You are my strength. You are my best accomplishment and I am so proud of you. You were right to yell “FU#K CANCER”  and let it burn in the fire. It was a catharsis for you and it gave me permission to scream it too! It felt good to say, no yell it out loud.

I am proud to be able to share my journey and to try to help others…with my blog, speaking engagements and to give counsel to others. But that said…

FU#K CANCER and everything and everyone it takes.

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