Most people don’t look forward to Mondays…at least not as much as they look forward to Fridays! I never used to have a problem with it, but for me, Mondays now signify the beginning of a new week… another five days of more doctor’s appointments. Last week I underwent a series of tests after seeing a rheumatologist. She sent me for x-rays and ultrasounds of my hands, feet, hips and legs. I got the call this morning that she wanted to see me…so off I went.

The tests show that I have moderate to severe arthritis and a lot of swelling in my joints…especially my hands. I knew something wasn’t quite right as I am having trouble even opening pill bottles and gripping things. The doctor has prescribed a steroid, but only for five days as the side effects are horrendous. I am to keep a diary to see if there is any improvement with and without the medication. As I am only taking the pills for five days, the long term side effects won’t affect me, however, the short term side effects might. That includes muscle cramps, nausea, vomiting, irregular heartbeat, sleeplessness, depression, agitation and mood swings. I already suffer from most of these side effects even before starting the drugs for crying out loud. And if my mood swings any further either way I pity anyone who comes near me!

There’s a lyric in the song “I Don’t Like Mondays” from the Boomtown Rats that says, “The silicone chip inside her head gets switched to overload”. That’s how I feel today and most days. Am I feeling down? Yes! Will I get through it? Yes, yes YES! The fact that it is grey and drizzly outside isn’t helping my spirits.  I am now dealing with yet another ailment that is taking its toll on me physically and psychologically. I can’t seem to catch a break. How much more do I have to endure? I am in pain every minute of every day. I am definitely on “overload”.

This journey that I have been on since being diagnosed with cancer has been a relentless shit storm…and it’s  getting me down! I desperately need something to look forward to. Something positive. Something to take my mind off the doom and gloom that sometimes covers me like a weighted blanket that I struggle to lift. But lift it I do. I fight hard every day to see the bright side of things and to celebrate every thing good in my life. Are some days harder than others? Of course. But each day is a new day. A new start with new possibilities and opportunities. Each day can be a new beginning…like a Monday…the day that I am desperately trying to like again.

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