Here we go again! Surgery, round two.
It’s here. My surgery day. I’m finally getting these fu#king expanders removed and the silicone implants inserted. In a few weeks I will be able to lie down properly and hopefully sleep! I’m actually looking forward to being “put under” so I can get some pain free sleep. It’s been eight months since I’ve been able to lie down. To say I’m tired is an understatement. It’s been an eight month roller coaster of emotions. Some highs but a lot of lows. I’m still dealing with the aftermath of my mastectomy both physically and emotionally…and that probably won’t change anytime soon.
I’m shocked at how calm I feel right now. At 2:30 I am being sliced open again, but this time I know what to expect pain wise. I am far more prepared for my recovery “round two.” I am nervous that there will be complications again. I REALLY want things to go smoothly this time. The surgeon has to remove the expanders, remove my hematoma, find and remove the surgical clip that’s floating on the left side of my chest, insert the implants, adjust and readjust their position and then and this is the most important part, sew me up so that I heal well and don’t have frankenstein scars forever. It’s a big ask. It’s a big surgery. It’s a big day!
I have to be at the hospital at noon. It’s a long time to wait. I woke up hungry and I’m dying for a cup of coffee. By 2:30 I’ll be knawing my arm off. I know I won’t feel like eating once out of surgery and probably for most of tomorrow. But I am prepared for when I am. I’ve made two kinds of soup, a roast chicken and banana bread. I’ve stocked up on yogurt and crackers; juices and gingerale. I have all the provisions I need for at least a week. I won’t be very mobile for awhile so I need to be prepared. As I write this, it’s snowing outside. There are beautiful big white flakes coming down and it all looks so peaceful. I’m trying to keep calm too, like the snow falling outside. But I know it’s the calm before the storm. As the time approaches to leave for the hospital my nerves will build. When I change into my hospital gown, have the intravenous inserted into my arm and I make that long walk to the operating room again I know that I will be emotional. But with this surgery I know that that the cancer is gone. I know that my breasts will never be the same. I know that I can push through the pain and I know I will be ok. With this surgery I am gaining some boobs instead of losing them. Fingers crossed after today I’ll be able to say, “I’m back and better than ever!”
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President of As You Like It Marketing & Communications Inc. Award winning speaker and author. Breast cancer fighter and blogger. I’m sharing my journey…the good, the bad and the ugly. Hoping to help anyone else that has been touched by breast cancer be it you or someone you know or love.
Hi Patti, though we have never met (I’m a friend of your Moms) I have been following your blogs and laughed and cried along with you. You are such a strong beautiful woman who has a wonderful way with words. I thank you for sharing your difficult journey with us. Today, I hope you can feel all the love and warm wishes coming your way as we collectively wish you a speedy recovery and hope your surgery is a wonderful success. You got this girl❤️❤️❤️