It’s Saturday. The “weekend”! Normally that would feel special but for me everyday is Saturday…without the “special”. I have been feeling a bit stronger every day although I tire very easily. In fact I just woke up from a three hour nap. Before my surgery, I was lucky to sleep three hours straight a night let alone in the middle of the day…and that’s having done absolutely nothing. It’s crazy. People say, take advantage…don’t fight it. Trust me, I couldn’t fight it if I tried.

I was hoping today would be a nice day so I could sit outside for a few hours to get some fresh air and enjoy the garden. No such luck. It’s cold and rainy today….crap. Well, I had to get out of my room for a change of scene so I gingerly made my way downstairs to the couch and turned on Netflix. My brain is still too fuzzy to follow any kind of detailed story line so I looked for a light comedy to watch.  Steve Martin and Martin Short have a special that I’d never seen. I really like both of them, especially Martin Short. He grew up in Hamilton, Ontario not far from where I live. The show was excellent and very funny. At first I tried to suppress my laughter as to be honest, it hurts to laugh. But after awhile I gave up and just let the laughter wash over me. Screw the pain I needed to laugh. I followed that show with a Jerry Seinfeld special. I was on a roll.

For two and a half hours I let myself be entertained. I let myself escape into a world that had nothing to do with hospitals, doctors, medications, drainage tubes, sutures and bandages. I just let myself feel and react without thinking. I realized that all the pain I’ve been experiencing has been ruling my life. Everything I do is affected by it because everything I do hurts. Don’t get me wrong, I am not lying around moaning and groaning.  I don’t let pain or anything keep me down, but it is exhausting mentally and physically having to think about every move you make. My brain has been focusing on nothing but my body and how to manage performing even the simplest of tasks. Just brushing my teeth is an event as leaning over the sink hurts, squeezing the toothpaste hurts, lifting my hand to my mouth to rinse hurts. Basically every fu#king thing hurts!

So today when I watched Steve, and Martin and Jerry perform their antics and tell their stories I laughed. It made my chest ache. It pulled at my sutures and tugged at my drain. It hurt and it felt SO good!

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