For the last two days I have been fighting a fever. It’s really taken its toll on not only my body but my psyche. This time last week I was still in hospital and so yes I know, I am doing much better than I was, BUT, today I am definitely feeling down.

For those of you who know me, I think you would say that I am an upbeat, positive person. I love to entertain and laugh and make people feel welcome and loved. Summer is my favourite time of year. Driving with the top down in my Mini convertible, bbq’s, spending time on my parent’s boat fishing, sitting around the bonfire smoking cigars and of course swimming. I am never happier than when I am in or near water. It calms me. I love the feel of it and the sound of it. Whether it be a lake, river, ocean or pool I am a water person.

Until I can get these drainage tubes removed from my chest, water in not my friend. I cannot get them wet. So baby wipes have replaced showering and trust me, it’s not the same. I have spent the last week held up in my bed looking at the outside world through the sheers of my bedroom window. I can see leaves on trees and can determine whether its sunny or raining but due to the sheers the view isn’t clear.  That’s kind of how I am feeling about myself right now. With the fever and pain and well frustration, nothing feels clear. I feel like I am floating through the days with no clear direction.  My only focus has been managing pain, emptying drains, changing dressings and my latest; fighting a fever. I know that these are all important “duties” and are necessary in my recovery, but I am desperate for fresh air, sunshine and freedom. My body is holding me hostage and I hate it.

Ok, Patti. Enough whining. It doesn’t become you. You can’t let yourself succumb to the negativity that is knocking at the bedroom window, taunting you.

So I won’t. I am going to celebrate the fact that summer has officially arrived. I am going to focus on getting over this temporary hump; do my best to get rid of this fever and start making a list of all the things that I am going to do this summer whenever I am able. Summer may not happen for me on the “calendared day” but it sure as hell going to happen soon. And I plan on making the most of it. My summer may be shorter than most, but it will be spectacular, rest assured.

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